(Oil of) Dog Addicts Anonymous

Good evening,

I wouldn't say so much that i have a dog addiction, more like a stew and hearty soup addiction, if you know what I mean. And I think you do. The British fellow at Digital Fix on Grand said this is where i should inquire about my rather sensitive matter--that you're running a black market of sorts out of your williamsburg branch. Then, one of the baristas in Blackbird Parlour confirmed it. So, now I can feel comfortable asking--what I need from you is oil of dog, about eight tablespoons worth. I would say the amount a Pekinese would render will suffice. I'm prepared to pay well above the market price for it since I need it for a dinner party on wednesday night. Given the time restraints, if you don't have any Pekinese lying around, anything between the size of a Chihuahua and a Dachsund will do just fine.

Anyways, thank you so much in advance. My large network of friends and I are thrilled to hear that a purveyor of all breed of dog oil is here in the brooklyn area, so you should be getting a lot of business from us in the coming months. And, do not worry! We will keep your secret.

Kindest Regards,
Ms. Bubba Barinsky

------------------

From: priti@dogaddiction.com
To: grandmaprinceton@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: oil of dog
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 09:30:09 -0400

I apologize Ms Bubba Barinksy but Dog Addiction is not in the underground oil of dog business... well not since that incident last year in Berlin. However if you are desperate we tend to have a large collection of piss and poo at the end of the day. If interested, we won't ask questions... we'll leave the trash bag at a safe location for your pick up.

Many thanks,
__________

ps. Don't trust any baristas at Blackbird, they clearly can't be trusted.

____________
Owner & Resident DJ
Dog Addiction

243 berry street
brooklyn, ny 11211
718.599.1656
_______@dogaddiction.com
www.dogaddiction.com

--------------

From: Bubba Barinsky
Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:25:28 -0400
To: priti
Subject: RE: oil of dog
My dear girl,

Methinks you are mistaken. Maybe you haven't been employed at Dog Addiction long enough for them to let you in on it (and to let you have a share of what must be an abundant oil of dog income). Furthermore, you should chastise them for lying to you when you pressed them on the issue. There was no dog addiction-related incident in Berlin last year. I assure you Tesco has a monopoly on the oil of dog market in Continental Europe as well as the UK. Lastly, I think I understand why they didn't let you in on it. Dog excrement has absolutely nothing to do with oil of dog. Oil of dog can only be rendered after hours and hours of boiling dogs in vats, adding some sea salt, and then chilling the liquid for 48 hours. What did you think oil of dog was?

With warmth,
Ms. Barinsky

PS: I think it my duty to tell the kind workers at Blackbird Parlour about your slanderous remarks!

------------

As owner (and resident DJ per my title) I can assure you what you heard about dog addiction is a myth. We do not do anything cruel to dogs except dance around and sing them Bob Dylan tracks. My offer for a vile of dog urine still stands otherwise I wouldn't want to waste your time further (nor mine, very busy caring for dogs, picking up poo, and trying to hire more employees to do the same, etc) best of luck to you and even better luck to you in finding better things to do with your time. ;)
But thanks anyway for the Monday morning laugh.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T