Dear Grocer,
I have been a loyal shopper at your grocery for 45 years now. It has come to my attention in the past couple of months that a group of seemingly high school aged hoodlums convene every friday from 4 to 5 in the women's lavatory for an illicit activity of a sort that I do not feel comfortable naming! Now, as much as it pains me to explain this, it is important i do to prove that I have borne witness to their uproarious antics. Every friday, before i begin my weekly shop for alfalfa sprouts, candied walnuts, flour, sugar, and wheat germ, I use the water closet to powder my nose and wash my hands. And, on the last couple of occasions, there have been some loud and raucous children in there. Normally, what I do when I know they are going to be in there is as soon as I walk in I just shut my eyes tight and loudly start chanting Ezekiel 25:17 in the hopes that it will put some of the fear of God in their hearts, but they have taken to heckling me saying things like "Grandma, you don't belong here! Get out!" and such. I am at my wit's end and thought you should be privy to the hateful activities at this Princeton Branch. Please keep me updated on how you intend to handle these evil young people!
A concerned customer,
Mrs. Barinsky
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